It’s time to change the stories I tell myself in my head about how things need to be perfect or go accordingly to my plan. You would think as a mother of four I would have learned by now that not everything goes my way. It might be my Virgo tendencies or my need to people please but I like to be in control.

There! I said it. I’m a control freak. I like schedules. I like following the rules. I like doing things a certain way.

The caveat is: I am frequently disappointed by myself and others when things going awry. I expect people to know how to do things, how to act, how to behave in public places, how to dress, how to control your body, how to speak, and the list goes on and on.

As the words are spilling out onto the page, anxiety is building around my stomach because I know this is a challenge that is going to test my patience as a whole. But I need it. I need to let go of the expectations I hold on everyone and everything. This will be a test of wills and a lesson in holding my tongue before speaking.

It might be easier to tape my mouth shut but that will not change how I respond or think.  I want to be able to give to another person without expecting something in return. I want to learn how to freely love without being attached to the outcome of my giving.

To be fully content with the act of doing good to feel good because I was able to serve someone else without getting something in return.