No Expectations Challenge: Days 18, 19, & 20
People come to expect certain things from you especially when you’ve always taken care of them. It’s hard for them to understand what is happening when you are ready to let go of that persona.
I was a people pleaser, a doer and dare I say, an enabler. There are many times where it is easier to do things instead of letting another person perform a task on their own.
They are completely capable of figuring it out themselves but I:
- Want to speed the process along
- Want to make sure it is done correctly (i.e. my way)
- Want to make it easier on them
- Don’t want to see anyone fail
Am I really serving them properly when I step in and take over? Every time I involve myself, the more they will expect me to take over and will not learn how to do it themselves. By taking on tasks that others can do, I am creating more work and stress for myself.
What happens when I am the one who messes up or forgets to do something? The blame of the mistake falls on me when in essence the person should be held accountable for their actions. By never having the chance to learn how to do something on their own, they have the excuse to say they don’t know what to do. And that’s when I usually give in and take over.
Instead of being the person taking responsibility for the matter at hand, it’s time to teach them what to do. It might take several times for it to click but then you can let go of any worry you hold over this issue. Other people’s problems should not be of your concern but you let it be because of expectations you have both put on the current situation.
This is the point when you have to conquer your ego, let go of the fear of disappointment and have the tough conversation. It might be scary but in the end both parties will be able to take care of their own issue and there won’t be a huge weight of responsibility looming over your head.
The essence of the expectation changes your relationship because one person will always have the upper hand creating a rift in their connection.
Let go of the unnecessary tension surrounding this expectation by taking some time to respond. This allows you to be clear about what you are saying yes to. Will this serve you and the other person mutually in the long run? Or are you setting the two of you up for a lifetime of disappointments.
It’s okay for you to say no as long as you are saying yes to yourself.