Social Media Break: Day 5

Today I was tested big time and I let my worry get the best of me.

FAIL!

My phone became my sidekick again from early morning till about 2pm. I had errands to run in the morning meaning I was gone from the house. Not usually a big deal but today was the day our new cabinets were going to be delivered.

When I ordered them, I asked the salesman to make a note for the delivery drivers to call an hour before they arrived so I could make sure I was home. Needless to say, that note was not enough to curb my worrisome tendencies. I checked my phone every five minutes, worried that I didn’t have my ringer on or that I missed the call when I was in the bathroom or getting my chiropractic adjustment.

The problem arose when this emotion started changing my tone and attitude towards others. I was short with my kids and was antsy all day long with labored breathing. The moment the phone rang and it was the delivery, I immediately relaxed. I didn’t touch my phone for the rest of the evening and my whole demeanor switched back to calm.

When my defenses were down, I allowed old habits creep back in. And I could feel it in my body. The worry made my head hurt and my stomach go into knots. I let this emotion take over by checking my phone and double checking, triple checking, 100x checking.

I had lost all control.

I knew it was happening and I felt like there was nothing I could do to stop it. No amount of deep breathing or talking to myself helped. The call from the delivery company saying that they were coming was all the validation I needed to stop worrying. The thing is I had no control over when they would call and I didn’t like not knowing what was going on.

*While I say I’m easy going, I like things to go my way as well.
*I can be spontaneous but I like organization.
*I like to think I have some Type B qualities but I would be kidding myself.

Throughout this process I know I will get to a place of ease when I have no control of a situation but it’s going to take some time. The first step is recognizing when my body is undertaking a ton of stress especially over the little things.

I need to be okay with not having a Pavlovian response whenever a ding goes off on my phone. I have been conditioned to respond instantaneously through years of people please. I know people want the immediate gratification and so do I but sometimes, it’s worth the wait!