self love — Photo by guille pozzi on Unsplash

I’ve been having a hard time putting together an article about my new daily habit for the year. It’s been coming to me in bits and pieces but the flow seems off. It’s probably because I’m delving into some deep stuff, tackling something extremely personal. For years, I’ve had the same New Year’s Resolution/Goal/Intention as many people all over the world.

Same Goals, Different Year

To lose weight, tone up and have a rockin’ body. I know, it seems so cliche. In the past, I’ve been able to accomplish these goals, but it never sticks and my weight continues to fluctuate. I’m never happy with the “end” result because is all boils down to my self degrading talk. While, I see progress happening, I find solace in picking out my flaws.

On paper I’m doing everything correctly:

Done away with dieting
Exercise most days of the week
Eat healthy foods
Buy clothes that make me feel good
Drink lots of water

Even though on the outside I seem to have it altogether I don’t. I still feel guilty after polishing off too much food. Each morning before getting into the shower I nit pick about everything on my body that doesn’t look ideal. I see myself in pictures and don’t recognize the person looking back at me. What frustrates me the most is that I know I’m doing it, want to change, but still keep at my old ways.

It’s Time To Start Loving My Body NOW

No more smack talk, I should be proud of my body. It has given birth to FOUR babies. I know! It’s a freaking miracle but how do we flip the switch from bad mouthing ourselves to loving every inch, stretch mark and roll? I don’t know if there is an easy way but I’m sure the answer is LOVE.

When I do yoga, the instructor says to let go of any toxic thoughts about our midsection. To release any negativity surrounding that area because in our society it’s such a main focus. And she’s 100% correct because all I want to do is hide my belly behind clothes. I’ve been conditioned to believe that our bodies should look a certain way and mine doesn’t.

What I want is to wake up in the morning, look at myself in the mirror and think, “Damn, she fine.” I want to EMBRACE the body I have NOW and be grateful for everything I have put it through. My mindset needs to adjust from pointing out my wide calves that don’t fit into most boots to appreciating the strong muscles that allow me to get around each day. But how does one let that negativity go?

Stop Trying To Impress Strangers

By remembering that the people who love you, LOVE you for who you are and not what you look like. As a happily, married women, I’m no longer trying to attract suitors but instead the goal is look good for other women. I don’t want to walk into a room feeling uncomfortable because my shirt might be showing too much of what is hiding underneath.

This is the story I keep telling myself, but in all actuality, the one person who has seen me at my worst loves everything about my body. No matter what I think about myself, my husband loves all my curves and I can tell by the way he touches me. He is not judging me for not looking like a model. All he is thinking is “Damn, she fine.”

So why isn’t that good enough for me? It should be. He sees me, flaws and all and still loves me. The only opinion that matters other than my own is his, but I still feel the need to look a certain way for other people.

Start With One Positive Thought

This is the year it all changes. I believe it starts with positivity every day. Whenever I say something negative, I need to hip check myself and say something loving. It’s time to turn my thinking around.

No one is expecting me to look a certain way, because in all honesty people don’t really care. They might judge you but only because it is a reflection upon themselves. It is an insecurity they have that is projecting onto you. The only reason I pick up on it is because I do the same thing.

Yes, ugh, I play the comparison game and I need to remind myself that no one wins because it’s an unfair match. My body tells a completely different story than anyone else.

I am choosing to EMBRACE my body as it is now. To savor my food, enjoying the ritual of nourishing my body instead of eating my feelings. I am celebrating the body that has given life to four incredible humans and show them that I worthy of loving myself as much as I love them. From this day forward, I’m expressing gratitude for the life this body has given me and will continue giving thanks for all that is to come.