Mindfulness Made Me Aware of My Negativity

aware of negativity

Awareness can be awesome and totally suck at the same time. The worst is when you see a version of yourself that is less than flattering. Before meditation, I would not even know I was acting a certain way, but now mindfulness made me aware of negativity.

By reducing our screen time, I have become hyper sensitive to how bitter I can be.  Unplugging should have the opposite effect but it doesn’t. Yes, I am grateful for the time I have with the kids but I’ve been overwhelmed by the amount of togetherness.

Me Time Is Necessary

What I need is to stop and take a mental break. Although they get their devices in the afternoon, most mornings I am breaking up fights or listening to whining. It is draining and makes me a mean mom. The exact opposite of what I wanted.

It took me years to get to a place where I was able to be positive. Now, I can foresee when I’m getting down on myself or play the victim martyr card. This allows me to stop the feelings before they spiral out of control, getting sucked into that trap again.

Luckily, I have ways to cope when my energy has shifted and I need to cleanse myself of this bad juju. When the kids were younger, my husband and I had a plan for me to take a couple hours each week to recharge on my own. With it being summer break, no more naps  and reducing screen time, I feel like I’m going to crack. The amount of  disciplinary talks I’ve had with the kids in the last four weeks is double than the school year.

Being Intentional With Self Care

It’s funny how I am able to bounce back quickly from years of personal growth. They have helped me to be more patient instead of always yelling. To take a a couple breaths and assess a situation before reacting. I can now flip the switch from negative self talk to positive when I see it happening.

Things around the house were starting to get a little too comfortable and we all needed a change. Sure, the short term whining and complaining of not having screen time can suck. This is a learning process we are all going thought and while we adjust, it’s all for the best.

I never anticipated needing to be more intentional about getting me time now that the kids are off their screens. It’s more necessary than ever because I don’t want to be the mom who is snippy all the time. I want to focus on all the good times we are having instead of sulking about going somewhere.

Return To Gratitude

Lately, this has been my attitude. My daughter suggested we go to the Ohio History connection the other day after an early morning swim meet. (Swim meets are typically 4-5 hours) All I wanted to do was recoup and relax. She was insistent about going but I had come up with this story in my head that everyone was going to be crabby. As I was coming up with every excuse in the book, I stopped when I noticed what was happening. I began to see the bright side of these moments and then got excited about sharing this experience with them.

But in that moment and some that followed, I was only focusing on the negative. Even while we were there, my husband texted me to see how it was and all I could muster was “It’s not crowded” He was like, “Is there anything positive?” The light flipped on making me realize what a Debbie downer I was being. From then on, I forwarded pictures of the kids and told him all the things they were excited about seeing.

The same thing happened when my son wanted to go to the pool. I wanted a day of rest but he insisted that we go. Instead of being excited, I reluctantly got everyone ready, practically dragging them (and myself) out of the house. Mentally, I am having a more difficult time adjusting to our new schedule than I thought.

Awareness of Negativity

Ever since we went on vacation and I had to deal with my youngest’s meltdown, I have felt like crap. Being aware of my emotions has allowed me to focus on the good so we can continue having a great summer.

I am going to need to leave the house without feeling guilty for taking a much needed break. If I don’t I will become bitter, whining and bitchy. The key is staying in a place where it is easy to get back to positive thinking when the negative thoughts flood in.

For this summer to be a success I must get my thinking straight. It is entirely possible to go inward facing my demon to recognize when I’m moody so I can make changes instantly.


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