In One Split Second, My Biological Clock Stopped Ticking

biological clock
Photo by Tommaso Pecchioli on Unsplash

As the weather is starting to cool down, it’s time to bring in the items from the backyard and start winterizing all the power tools. My husband was in the garage preparing for colder days and cleaning out the summer mess. He asked me what can stay and what should go in the trash. Out came the umbrella stroller and I took a deep breath and said it’s time!

I distinctly remember telling my youngest that when he turned five, he no longer needed to ride in the stroller. None of my other kids had this luxury at his age, but he’s the baby, so it’s different. After a little pout of my lips, I told my husband it could go. As I saw him put it on the curb, I realized this is truly the last thing from our baby season of life. Someone snagged it quickly and I’m really happy knowing we could help another young family with the crazy early years.

You Completed Us

It was a bittersweet moment but I was ready to let it go. I remember five years ago in the hospital after having my fourth child, how I looked at him and just knew. Holding him in my arms, a wave of completeness came over me. I had always known that four was our magic number but when I saw him, it solidified everything.

There were times when he was a toddler, I would think about what if we had another. Five kids seemed like a lot. I couldn’t even imagine it. As the kids got older and we got rid of diapers, naps, high chairs, strollers, and cribs, the idea of another baby waned quickly. I was excited for this new stage of life and thought with my luck if I got pregnant, it would be twins. Where would we even put two more babies in our four bedroom house? The kids have their own spaces and two of them already share a room. I felt like I would be stuck in my own version of Groundhog Day, in a never ending world of baby stuff.

Now that all the kids are in school, I am finally getting time to myself. My husband will sometimes say in passing, let’s have another baby and I immediately think about my precious alone time. Having a baby is completely different for him than me. He gets to go to work while I am home changing diapers, participating in marathon nursing sessions, juggling the other kids and trying to not be a hot mess.

Making The Final Move

Sure, there is the financial aspect and all, but really it was about knowing that we were done. I didn’t have to explain it, but we all knew. When our youngest was three months old, I remember rolling the double stroller into the urologist’s office with two small kids at the helm. The other people in the waiting knew exactly why the six of us were there. It was time to finalize the deal and both my husband and I were ready to take the plunge. Thank goodness he took one for the team. And now we are really done.

Don’t get me wrong, I love babies. Holding them is like a breath of fresh air. They have that new baby smell and are so warm and cuddly. I just want to eat their toes. The best part is: that when I’m done, I get to give them back. And if they cry, poop, or want to eat, I gladly hand them over to their mom. My uterus no longer yearns for me to have another and that’s another reason I know I’m done having babies.

No Need To Justify

The number of kids you have is your choice and yours alone. So whether, you get the feeling after 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5 kids, you don’t have to justify to anyone. If you really think about, there’s no explanation to the specific number. Instead, it’s a feeling and one that usually doesn’t have words to go along with it. You will know when your family is complete. So the next time someone questions the number of kids you have or wants to know if you are having more, you can give them a straight no chaser answer.

For me, I just know. We are at the point where we have moved onto the next season of life. I loved the baby days and watching old videos tugs at my heartstrings because it goes so fast. But, I put in my time and now I’m ready to do the things I love without having to care for someone 24/7. And I’m completely GOOD with that.

For those you, still in that baby faze or wanting another, hats off to you! Stand your ground, listen to your mother’s intuition and it will be the guiding force to let you know when your family is complete.

Still, there was a hole for us that needed to be filled…

So instead of another baby, we got a puppy.

 

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