How I Achieved More Success When I Stopped Making A Goals List For The New Year

goals list
goals list
Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash

The week between Christmas and New Year is a breeding ground for my feeds to be full of people setting goals and making new resolutions. While it is important to set the course for the future, there is a lot of pressure to make a list by January 1.

So you write down goals and then the inevitable happens. Several weeks into the new year, lists are thrown by the wayside and all the gyms are empty again.  It’s not like people don’t want to excel at their goals, it’s that they are not a true priority. We put together lofty expectations for the new year because everyone else is jumping of that bridge.

Most people begin ruminating over things they “should” write down because it’s what the majority is doing. In reality, it doesn’t quite align with what we really want.

I say screw it.

I’m not saying that making goals is bad or you shouldn’t have dreams. In fact, you absolutely should have an idea of what you want your life to look like.

Instead, take some of the pressure off yourself and reflect back on your past twelve months. If something comes up that you want to achieve or work towards in the upcoming year, great. But release yourself of thinking this is something you HAVE to do during the last week of the year.

Setting Yourself Up For Success

What if we went against the grain and didn’t make a goals list this New Year? Isn’t that a relief to know that you can let go of the pressure to create something out of nothing?

Or what if you already have goals in place because you have an ongoing list all year long.  Huh, let’s think about that.

Each year on my birthday, I sit down to reflect over the past year. There is no pressure because millions of people all over the world aren’t doing the same thing. I can look back at what I’ve done and what I want to accomplish over the next 365 days in peace.

In fact, I set new goals all year round. I don’t want February to come and feel like a reject because I quit half the things I set out to do in January. When we make our list at the beginning of the year, we are setting ourselves up for failure. Then the negativity starts because we see ourselves not completing the list we made on a whim.

Can you see where all motivation can be lost?

Reflect Upon The Last Year

For this year’s end, I’m going to review goals that I set for myself throughout the year. I might add to them, but mostly it’s a time to REFLECT!  A time to see which goals are still important to me, which ones I need to revisit, and which ones I need to let go.

A great place to look for this is in my journal. Each night, I write down my daily gratitudes, what I accomplished for the day and see what goals I’m focusing on at the present moment. By doing this, I allow myself to look back at all the good things that have come my way.

When I read back on my life, I see how everything is written in present tense as if it has already happened. I am charting the map for my life in I AM statements. And instead of having deadlines for my goals, I use the word soon. For example: Soon, I am a full time professional writer making six figures or more a year.

This way my brain can go to work to get this goal done as soon as possible. If I put an end date on it, my mind will only be focused on that. When in reality, it could be possible for me to reach this goal well before my intended deadline. Who wouldn’t want to achieve their goals faster? So while it seems as if I’m not being specific, I am. I am releasing control of the when and letting the universe take this into it’s own hands.

Add Goals When It Feels Right For You

Today, I’m going to go against the grain to say, set goals when it’s right for you. There is not exact date they have to be done by and you can record them in your own way. In conjunction with my running list of goals, I have a page of things I want to accomplish before my next birthday and a notebook of 200+ things I want to do in my lifetime. I continuously add to this when new travel experiences pop up.  My current goals stay in check with the several types of journal I have around my house.

It’s not about one day a year. It’s about being consistent all year long and keeping the things you want in the forefront of your mind. Don’t feel as if you have to make a commitment now for the new year. Instead, get into the mindset of abundance and achievement throughout the whole year.

Choose to be reflective on everything you achieved this past year. It will set you up to be in a place of gratitude in order to help you figure out what your next move is going to be. This the moment when your true intentions can shine through showing you what is possible.

 

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A Parenting Win: How We Finally Got Rid Of The Power Struggles

no respect
power struggles
Photo by Cristina Gottardi on Unsplash

Rodney Dangerfield hit the nail on the head “I don’t get no respect.”

After almost 11 years and four kids later, I thought I had this parenting thing down. Well, boy was I ever wrong. The moment I get into a groove, the kids throw me a new curve ball. But I learn to adjust by learning a new technique to try that will make things easier on all of us.

Recently, my article about how my youngest child could probably get away with murder, literally sparked some interest with other parents, too. He and I have had power struggles for awhile and I was done. Everyday we have this back and forth dance trying to see who will get the upper hand today. As the baby, he has me wrapped around his finger. When he persists long enough he eventually gets what he wanted but no more.

A wonderful reader commented and told me about a book that helped change her parenting style: Dr. Leman’s Have A New Kid By Friday. As soon as I read it, I began implementing his suggestions because it was simple and doable. There was less yelling on my part and the kids were being more respectful towards me. For my youngest, it was time to try something new because our relationship was suffering. It has taken the tension out of our interactions with each other, but I saw the other kids needed this method of parenting, too.

Do You Have More Than One Parenting Style?

Mostly, I lean towards the Authoritative parenting style, but I have Permissive and Authoritarian tendencies as well. With the Authoritative side, I’ve taught my kids responsibility because I am raising adults. They know how to:

  • Make their own lunches
  • Are responsible for getting ready for school
  • Fold and put away their clothes
  • Clean up after themselves
  • Put away their dishes

They know this all has to be done before they can get on electronic devices. We have made some great strides towards getting them ready for adulthood, but still have a lot of work to do. As we head into the teen years soon, there are several things we need to nip in the bud before it gets too out of had. For example: Can you say ATTITUDE adjustment?

In true Authoritarian fashion, I like to do things a certain way in a timely matter, so when my requests aren’t fulfilled immediately, I get antsy. This is when I remind the children more than once to do something until completion. Bedtimes are done in military precision and they know not get out of bed. I can see that making changes is more or less a huge adjustment in my own perspective. It is also about releasing control, but giving consequences based on the way the children respond. 

On the Permissive side of things, I can be a big softy, too. I give in a lot when it comes to things like when they want candy at odd times throughout the day. Or when we are shopping and they want a little trinket. My children know what things I will cave to and which things they can’t get away with. This, too, comes back to bit me on the butt cause they are learning how to manipulate people to get their way. 

Finally Stopping The Power Struggles

I see the power struggles in our house are real. I want to give my children more freedom to complete tasks on their own time, but also know there are consequences when they aren’t completed. It goes along the lines of “B doesn’t happen until A is complete.” Meaning, you have to fold your clothes before getting on electronics. We use this a lot in our house and this they understand. The one thing still bringing me trouble was having to repeat myself ad nauseum and eventually blowing up.

We tested the “say it once, turn my back and walk away” suggestion from Dr. Leman when my youngest refused to get his coat on for school. I told him to put his coat on, then walked away to collect all my things. He refused and  had thrown it on the ground. Instead of getting mad, I said when you are ready to go to school we will go, but we will be late if we don’t leave soon.

30 minutes later, he finally apologize after sulking in the corner, mumbling to himself. In the meantime, I did other things, helped his brothers get ready for their school and let him have his tantrum. I accepted his apology, gave him a hug, and took him to school after dropping off the older kids.

Here’s the kicker: After school, he got home and asked for his Kindle to play on. I calmly said, No, I don’t feel like giving it to you. Then I turned away and began washing the dishes. BUT WHY????? Again calmly, I said, I didn’t like the way you acted when I asked you to get ready for school this morning. Oh yeah…But I apologized. I know but I didn’t like the way you acted, so no electronics this afternoon. Do you understand? Yes, I understand. 

WHAT???? That seriously worked. No screaming or kicking. There was no yelling on my part and he actually respected me. Well, we are definitely going to try this again.

Stop Reacting In The Thick Of It

Since I started implementing these methods, I’ve had similar interaction with my other kids. After their meltdown subsides and apologize, they will ask for something of value and I calmly tell them no and walk away. When they follow me and ask why not (which inevitably they will), I explain to them what part about their behavior I didn’t like.

No longer am I reacting in the heat of the moment because when I say no and walk away, there is space between my child and I.  A weight has been lifted off my shoulders because I’m not immediately getting angry. The power struggles are slowing fading away. Although, I have to be okay with releasing control. We might not get to places on time if children aren’t ready, but that’s part of the transition phase. The balance of power is shifting in our house and it’ll take some time to get used to that.

There’s been a little hiccup here and there along the way cause I need to check my attitude, too. Other than that, the message is clear that mom means business and in order to get what you want, there has to be mutual respect between parties. But also understand that I am your mother, not your BFF, and my job is to raise you to become responsible, kind adults. It’s not going to be easy, but it will be worth it.

 

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Put your oxygen mask on first.

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How Businesses Will Thrive Without A Social Media Presence

word of mouth
word of mouth
Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

With everybody and their brother on social media, is it possible for word of mouth marketing to even work anymore? Can brands rely on loyal customers to spread the word about them, post on their own social media and create a buzz? Can we go back to the basics of sharing with one another causing businesses to explode?

Or is social media the necessary evil to make a buck these days? I’ve been wondering lately if social media is the societal norm and relying on word of mouth and other traditional forms of advertising is currently thinking outside the box. What if you made a kick ass product or service that got your friends talking. They made it their prerogative to post on social media cause they loved it and what you stand for so much.

Dial Back The Social Media

Let’s imagine for a minute: What would it be like to have a small or non existent social media presence and be successful? Social media is not the enemy here and lots of people are making a substantial income leveraging this outlet.  Wouldn’t it be cool if a brand produced a quality product/service and then their customers did the selling for them?

Or what if you have so much love for your brand that it makes everyone you meet want to use it. They feel your passionate vibes louder than anything you could ever put onto social media. No one would want to be left at the station after seeing others jump on the “insert your name here” train.

Over the last year my social media presence has gone down ten fold but it hasn’t stopped me from concocting new ideas that I want to share. In fact, it’s done the opposite by giving me space to breathe and listen to my thoughts.

Will Traditional Advertising Still Work?

I’ve used social media in many different ways over the last decade. So what are the odds that my brand will not only survive but thrive with limited usage. My goal is to be present with my business and not worry about what to post on social media. I don’t want to incessantly blast out info to my audience or send excessive amounts of emails to get my message across. It’s not who I am.

But is that even possible anymore? No one wants to bombarded with all the noise because there is so much out there. So instead of shouting above everyone else, it is imperative to share only what is necessary. When you come from a truly, genuine place and not desperation is when you’ll be heard.

Where is that happy medium between overusing social media and letting your loyal peeps do the promoting for you? Sounds a little bit like network marketing but even those companies have a strong social media presence themselves. They have people do a majority of promoting but they still want to be seen and heard from their end.

Focus On What Is Important

I like to engage with people on social media because it’s fun, but what I don’t want is to get sucked into the matrix. It’s hard not to. I’d rather being walking my dog, creating new ideas, writing down my thoughts and reading lots of books for research and pleasure.

There’s nothing wrong with self promotion when it is intentional and purposeful. For instance, when you produce something so amazing that you have to shout it from the rooftops. It’s with that enthusiasm that people will want to see what you are up to. There is no hidden money agenda laced with desperation to buy your product. The message is clear with no intent to beg, borrow and steal your way to the top.

It’s funny how when you are thinking about something, someone else is writing about the same thing. Irony!

I read about how Trader Joe’s has a very limited social media presence and it got me thinking. Here is a very successful business focusing on serving people and doing their thing on a daily basis. Many people post, tweet, share and video about their TJ finds without any pressure from the company. The company gets to focus on their mission instead of spending time on social media.

Funny how that works. They continue to provide quality products and excellent customer service in which their clients tell everyone to try the Everything Bagel seasoning. I mean, who wouldn’t want to hop in their car and grab a bottle of Two Buck Chuck to celebrate?

What Vibes Are You Sending Out?

Without fail, when I put my focus on social media, the quality of everything else diminishes. Lately, I’ve been sucked into holiday ads and celebrations that have taken my creative juices the way of the scroll. But when I allow myself to be present and step away from social media, my brain opens up wide to new ideas.

The desire to become Insta-famous is how we make the big bucks right? No, it’s a complete misnomer for most people. The way to be success is by spending more time creating than sharing. Then letting your excitement loose. How am I going to produce a book or ten if I get sucked into the scroll, losing sight of what matters most.

Another story of a hairdresser comes to mind, who had no interest in social media, but had a waiting list of clients. She produced quality work for her customers and they couldn’t keep their mouths shut to their friends. She created a life of abundance because she loves what she does and others have a wonderful experience with her. This is how this hairdresser is living her best life.

Breathe Life Into Your Brand From Your Soul

The idea here is to create a service or product that comes from your soul. When you decide to share with others, you are highly invested in gifting this present away. Your loyal peeps who support you through your journey want you to succeed so their sharing is genuine. All you have to do is come from a place of pure intention, giving yourself freely and providing something of value. When you do this, people will not be able to keep quiet, allowing word of mouth marketing to do it’s thing!

 

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Put your oxygen mask on first.

Self care is essential for all parents to make it through the day.

So I’ve created a guide just for you: 7 Steps To Saying Yes to Yourself.

Get Yours Here!